Failing Forward: Supporting Adults with Autism Through Vocational Setbacks
For parents of adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), employment can feel especially high-stakes. At Grant A Gift, we support autistic individuals across developmental stages, from early intervention through transition-age services. This perspective reflects what we observe daily when skills are practiced in real-world environments with appropriate supports in place. While this article focuses on adults, the principle of “failing forward” begins much earlier. Learning to tolerate mistakes, recover from setbacks, and problem-solve with support starts in childhood and strengthens over time. Vocational readiness is built gradually through many small learning experiences.
Many parents worry:
“If my adult child is fired, no one will give them another chance.”
“Employers don’t understand autism.”
“One bad experience will undo their confidence.”
“What if this confirms what others already assume about them?”
These concerns are real and justified. Adults with ASD often face misunderstanding, limited patience from employers, and environments that were not designed with neurodiversity in mind.
At the same time, avoiding vocational risk altogether can unintentionally limit independence, self-determination, and long-term growth.
Setbacks are not proof that an autistic adult cannot work. They are often part of learning how to work in a world that was not built for them.
Why Employment Feels Different for Autistic Adults
Unlike neurotypical peers, adults with ASD often navigate:
Social communication differences that are misinterpreted as attitude or disinterest
Sensory sensitivities that impact endurance and focus
Difficulty with unwritten workplace rules
Anxiety around change, feedback, or uncertainty
A long history of being “managed” rather than supported
Because of this, parents often feel they must prevent failure at all costs. Many have spent years advocating, protecting, and buffering their child from harm—and stepping back feels risky.
That instinct is understandable. It is also exhausting.
The Cost of Preventing All Failure
When adults with ASD are shielded from vocational setbacks, they may miss critical learning opportunities, including:
How to recover after a mistake
How to tolerate feedback without shutting down
How to identify what environments truly work for them
How to advocate for themselves instead of relying on others to speak for them
Without real-world experience, employment remains theoretical—and independence stays out of reach.
What “Failing Forward” Means for Adults with ASD
Failing forward does not mean placing autistic adults in unsafe, unsupported, or unethical environments.
Failing forward does mean:
Allowing adults with ASD to experience real work expectations with appropriate supports
Accepting that not every job will be a good fit
Using setbacks as information—not as judgment
Teaching coping, advocacy, and problem-solving skills after challenges occur
Failing forward does not mean lowering expectations or removing protections
Removing supports that are necessary for success
Ignoring safety concerns, discrimination, or exploitation
Expecting independence without preparation, instruction, and ongoing support
For many autistic adults, growth happens because something went wrong—not because everything went smoothly.
Skills Built Through Vocational Setbacks
With appropriate support, even difficult job experiences can build essential adult skills.
Feedback Tolerance
Learning that correction is not rejection—and that relationships can continue after mistakes.
Self-Advocacy
Understanding when and how to ask for clarification, accommodations, or support.
Environmental Awareness
Recognizing which sensory, social, or task demands are manageable—and which are not.
Emotional Regulation and Recovery
Practicing how to cope with disappointment, frustration, and change without avoidance.
These skills are foundational to sustainable employment and adult autonomy.
The Parent Role: From Protector to Coach
For many families, this is the hardest shift.
Parents of autistic adults have often spent years preventing harm. Transitioning to a coaching role does not mean withdrawing care—it means changing how care is expressed.
Supportive Parent Strategies
Normalize setbacks without panic or shame
Validate emotions without immediately fixing the situation
Ask reflective questions:
“What felt overwhelming?”
“What support would have helped?”
Partner with vocational providers to adjust supports after challenges
Encourage re-entry into work after setbacks
Common Traps (and Why They’re Understandable)
Removing opportunities after one negative experience
Speaking for the adult instead of supporting self-advocacy
Assuming job loss confirms permanent limitations
These responses are rooted in protection—but they can unintentionally reinforce dependence and fear.
When Parents Should Step In
Failing forward is not appropriate when:
Safety is compromised
There is discrimination or exploitation
Required accommodations are denied
The workplace is abusive or unethical
Parents should absolutely intervene in these situations. Intervening in these situations protects dignity and safety—it does not undermine independence.
Why Vocational Programs Embrace Real-World Learning
Vocational programs serving autistic adults rely on real experiences to guide effective support. When a job placement does not succeed, it provides critical information about:
Skill gaps that still need support
Environmental mismatches
Accommodation needs that were not obvious beforehand
This approach aligns with best practices supported by organizations such as the Association for Behavior Analysis International, transition guidance from the Council for Exceptional Children, and employment research from the U.S. Department of Labor.
Avoiding real-world exposure limits meaningful, lasting progress.
Resources for Parents of Autistic Adults
When and How to Disclose Your Disability to Employers
Center for Employment and Inclusion, Institute for Disability Research, Policy & Practice, Emma Eccles Jones College of Education & Human Services, Utah State University
Handout / Flyer
Guidance on disclosure timing, language, and legal considerations.
🔗 https://idrpp.usu.edu/cei
Advocating for Reasonable Accommodations
Center for Employment and Inclusion, Institute for Disability Research, Policy & Practice, Emma Eccles Jones College of Education & Human Services, Utah State University
Handout / Flyer
🔗 https://idrpp.usu.edu/cei
Our Commitment to Families
We recognize that supporting an adult with ASD means balancing safety, dignity, and independence. Our approach prioritizes skill development, real-world experience, and reflective learning—while honoring each individual’s needs and boundaries. Setbacks are not failures. They are steps toward autonomy in an imperfect world. This article is intended for educational purposes and does not replace individualized clinical or vocational planning. Decisions should be made collaboratively with the individual, family, and care team.